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"It always was
Just having been"
The inbetweens were few
But I'd do it all again
For the everythings I knew"
1. The Beginning
"There is turmoil under the heavens. The prospects are excellent."
Mao Tse Tsung
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I was born in November at 3:25 am. Minutes before birth, my first sensation was an overwhelming pressure, and my first conscious observation was of an incredible beauty within a rainbow-colored-swirling cellular wholeness. Upon emergence from this pressure I had full vision, conscious awareness, and a sharp, brief, pain in my chest from the gasp of air when my lungs filled for the first time. I cried, briefly, and then watched.
Held in mid-air by my feet looking upside down at white-clothed people surrounding someone in a bed, my first verbal thought was for them to "Be careful!" I knew there was something tenuous about my existence, and that I was dependent on those around me. These thoughts were non-verbal, and I mistakenly assumed everyone heard my thoughts. Taken abruptly away with drops of burning liquid blurring my vision, I knew I was absolutely alone and that no one was listening.
This was the beginning of a long, seemingly endless slowly passing time that I thought would never end. In the darkness there was a presence in the vast space around me which could have consumed me. But there was another presence inside me, giving certainty that if I stayed focused I could override its pulling. I learned to trust this voice within from that moment on. This inherent source has, and will always be, my guide.
I was aware of what I will call "genetic memories", traces of an inherent cosmic-consciousness of evolutionary experiences. This inherent and seemingly vast knowledge and experience could not be verbalized, language was not yet known.
2. Finding Sanctuary - Enduring Childhood
"The unendurable is the beginning of the curve of joy"
Djuna Barnes
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"I swam upstream, and that made all the difference..."
To be continued....
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